Opening Up
by Queen Kakia
Summary: An old candyfic I wrote a LONG time ago. I'm ashamed of the mushyness, but I think the writing is pretty good.


Disclaimer: I don't own these people. Too bad.  
  
  
I don't know about the travel of time  
And I've never seen most of the world  
I don't know  
Diving out of the sky  
Or living like the diamonds of pearls  
----------------------------------------------------  
It was a cool, dark night. The wind blew softly, touching and tapping at his   
hair, but not enough to disturb the deep brown spikes. Michael Guerin was   
walking down the street, alone, searching for something. What? His body   
knew where to go, and was leading him somewhere, but his mind was lost. He   
stared down at the pavement as he walked, trusting his instincts to bring him   
somewhere safe. Home, maybe. He knew it was impossible, since he couldn't   
walk to another planet, but somewhere deep inside of him, he was hoping that   
tonight he would go home. With or without Max and Isabel Evans. They   
didn't seem to care as much as he did. They didn't understand. Now that   
Hank was out of his life, he controlled everything; he could decided what to   
do with his life, and he could make it worth living. They didn't get it that   
to make his life worth living, he had to be on his home planet.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------  
See I haven't danced to a musical tune  
And I haven't noticed the flowers in bloom  
I haven't smiled  
When alone in my room very much  
Then we touched  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
He continued walking, his frown set deep in his features, almost impossible   
to remove. What was there not to frown about? He didn't care about Earth;   
there was nothing worth anything there that he probably couldn't find at   
home. Something tugged at his thoughts. -Maria,- a voice inside him   
whispered. -Shut up,- he scolded himself. -Maria hates you. You use her   
all the time. You don't love her, anyway. You only need certain things from   
her.- No attachments, he couldn't love anything on this planet.  
  
But he had stopped walking. He looked up. He was standing under Maria   
Deluca's window. -No!- he yelled at himself. -What the hell are you doing   
here?!- He tried to walk away, but his legs wouldn't budge. He no longer had   
any control over his body.  
  
Michael walked up to the window. The curtains were pulled back, so he could   
see into the room. Maria was sitting on the floor, painting her toenails.   
She looked so peaceful. She didn't need him like he needed her. He tried to   
make himself turn around, but he couldn't. What if she was a put-on, just   
like him? What if she really did want him, but was hiding it too?  
  
He groaned. There was no turning back now. He lifted his fist, and rapped   
on the glass.  
  
Maria looked up. As soon as she did, she knew she shouldn't have bothered.   
It was Michael Guerin. Of course. Who else came in through the window?   
Well, there was that one time when she and Alex and Liz had gone around the   
neighborhood looking for open windows... but that was when they had been   
children.  
  
She walked over to the window, and stared at him for a few seconds, wondering   
what she should do. Of course, what she wanted to do was open it, let him   
in, and let him have whatever he wanted. But she knew that would get her   
hurt again. She tried listening to her common sense. -Let him go,- it told   
her. -He always does this, and then breaks your heart every once in a while.   
You gave him too many chances. Let him deal with whatever it is by himself   
for once.-  
  
She hated her common sense for that. Michael had been dealing with things by   
himself for ten years now. All she had given him was a tiny bit of   
understanding. Of course he always left - he couldn't deal with it. She   
knew she had to give him more time.  
  
The storm raged on inside her head, and Maria was growing weaker and dizzier   
by the second. Finally, she opened the window. Michael raised his foot to   
put it inside, but she out her hand out to prevent him. "Not so fast,   
buster. What do you want?"  
  
-You,- he thought, but all he said was, "I'm not sure." He accompanied it   
with a shrug, just in case Maria wasn't sure what `I'm not sure' meant.  
  
She narrowed his eyes. "So why should I let you in?" He was trying to play   
mind game again with her again. She wouldn't let him, this time - she would   
make sure of that.  
  
Michael shrugged again. "Can I please come in?"  
  
Something in his voice broke her. She nodded silently and stepped away from   
the window. -You idiot!- she scolded herself. -He's a woman user and you're   
letting him walk all over you!- But she ignored the voice. She didn't care   
if Michael was using her. She was a mess and she needed him.  
  
Michael pretended to be fascinated with the dirt in his fingernails, ignoring   
her questioning stare. He'd speak when he was good and ready. If he ever   
found anything to say. He hadn't prepared a speech. He wasn't good at this   
kind of stuff. He hadn't even known he was going to be here now, standing in   
front of his goddess with a chance to make amends. "I-" he started, but then   
he ran out of words. "Oh, fuck it." There was nothing to say. He pulled   
her in and kissed her, as if he had been underwater too long and she was air   
at the surface.  
  
------------------------------------------------  
I just know  
When you put your hands on me  
I feel sexy  
And my body turns to gold  
I just know  
When you put your hands on me  
I feel ready  
And I lose my self-control  
------------------------------------------------  
  
To Maria's suprise, she found herself kissing him back. She didn't know why;   
he had already done this too many times and she knew he was going to stop in   
the middle and leave. She wanted to stop, but she was in too deep. She   
couldn't stop now, even though she knew he would.  
  
-I can't do this,- Michael thought. -I can't just come here and kiss her and   
expect all to be forgiven.- He owed it to himself, if not at least to her.   
But he needed her right now, in order to breathe and to keep his heart   
pumping. He should have known this before he started, that once he kissed   
her, all hope would be lost and he wouldn't be able to pause and give himself   
a chance to explain.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------  
I don't know if a doll can unwind  
Or how to make a person go  
I don't how to be what you like  
And simply open up the depths of my soul  
-------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Explain what? What was there to explain? That he loved her? That he ran   
away all those time because he was insecure, and he had always known that in   
the end, he would have to come back to her? He couldn't put his feelings   
into words, and he didn't want to. It hurt too much to reveal his thoughts.   
Why should she have the right to know them? They were his own personal   
feelings and had nothing to do with her.  
  
---------------------------------------------  
So I keep my wings  
And my eyes on the down  
Ready for nothing  
But holding my ground  
I haven't used  
That particular noun very much  
Then we touched  
----------------------------------------------  
  
Maria forced herself to pull back. She gasped for air, nearly choking, ran   
onto her bed, and buried her face in the pillow, sobbing quietly. How could   
he do this to her? Every time she thought she was strong, he would come   
along and turn her into jelly, and then he would leave her in a lump of   
confusion.  
  
Michael looked at her, crying on her bed. What she didn't know was that he   
was hurting as much as she was, and the fact that she didn't know it was   
killing him. He wanted to tell her, but couldn't bring himself to it.   
Sometimes he wished she could just read his mind. That way he wouldn't have   
to go through to pain of revealing himself, but she could comfort him just   
the same. He physically ached from all of his holding in. He couldn't keep   
this up much longer; he felt like he was going to explode.  
  
Maria looked up to see if he had left yet. To her suprise, he was still   
standing there, staring at her with pain in his eyes. "What did you come   
here for, anyway?" She was angry. Angry at herself for giving in to   
Michael, angry at Michael for doing this to her, angry at Liz for bringing   
this monster into her life, angry at the Evans for not finding Michael with   
Max and Isabel - maybe then he wouldn't have turned out so horrible.  
  
He had no idea what to say. He sat down next to the bed, and wiped a tear   
away from her eyes. She turned her head away. He gently moved her so that   
she faced him, and held onto her head, so that their faces were inches apart.   
But this time, he controlled himself. "Listen to me, Maria."  
  
----------------------------------------------  
I won't notice  
Or pay you no mind  
Boy I couldn't care less  
What you do with your time  
Your fingertips on my hips  
Just move me like one of a kind  
----------------------------------------------  
  
She tried to turn her head, but his grip was firm. So she just glared back   
at him. "I don't care. I don't care anymore. So that makes two of us. Now   
leave me alone."  
  
He had never been so certain of what to say in his life. "You're wrong,   
Maria. I DO care. That's why I hurt you. Also, I'm an idiot. But that's   
not the point." She smiled faintly, and then went back to the hard glare.   
"I care about you more than I've ever cared about anything in my life.   
That's why I kept leaving. I was afraid. Before I fell in love with you, I   
wanted to go home. More than anything. But when I'm with you, I don't. I   
can't lie, anymore, Maria." He would have been crying, if he was the type to   
cry. It hurt so much to say it, but felt so good to get it out. But he   
wasn't the type to cry, so he just sat there, shaking. He let go of her head   
and rested his hand on her shoulder, to watch whether she would turn again.  
  
She was taken aback. She had always known that Michael Guerin was an idiot,   
but the rest was new. She'd said some of it to make her feel better, but   
she'd never believed that he had ever actually fallen in love with her. She   
almost didn't believe it, but the desperate look in his eyes told her that it   
was all true.  
  
She was going to forgive him. He could tell. She didn't need to say   
anything. After what he had just said, they didn't need to say anything   
anymore. They didn't need to be physical, either. Everything had been a   
cover, but now the cover had been removed. He pulled her off the bed and   
held her close to him, and they sat there, resting on each other.  



End file.
